How and why I started RebornAt40.com
[RebornAt40, Issue #0 — Introduction] What it actually feels like when you're about to turn 40 but your life doesn't turn out the way you wanted.
I was about to turn 39.
The big 4-0 was looming.
But I was in no mood for celebration.
My life wasn’t turning out as I expected.
Quite the opposite.
It was a mess.
Instead of the stable home and family life I’d always wanted, at 39 and on the verge of midlife, I ended up with a five-year-old and a relationship that was pretty much over.
And I knew well that once this relationship came to a definite end, my personal life would change irreversibly — and not for the better.
It all happened unexpectedly, or maybe I just couldn’t see it coming in time — I’m not sure.
But that’s not the point.
I was deeply disappointed with the trajectory my life was taking, and I think that was the very first time I felt truly unhappy.
After nearly 20 years in London, pursuing education, carving out a professional career and chasing a better life in the UK, I was about to end up living by myself again.
My parents had aged significantly over those years, my dad was ill, and I was thousands of miles away from my sister and my family home.
The old friendships back in Poland had faded out over the years too. The number of people I could trust and talk to was… let’s say, limited.
I felt like I was on my own. I was about to raise my son as a part-time dad. And Alex — my little best friend — became the centre of my life.
And me?
I was a freshly baked dad, stepping into an entirely new territory nobody ever prepares you for. I felt as if I was starting my life again — and I was an absolute beginner.
And on top of all that, I was expected to be a role model for my young son.
Alex is a cheerful, hypercurious, neurodivergent kid. In other words: he’s got autism.
He’s on an educational and healthcare plan. He had just been admitted to a special school. And now he would find himself in the middle of a co-parenting situation, probably wondering why he wasn’t living with both parents — just like other kids do.
I really felt sorry for him.
I felt like I failed him before his story had even begun.
And now he was supposed to learn life from me?
A 40-year-old rookie parent.
Chain smoker.
Overweight.
With a long list of flaws and questionable life choices.
How was I going to be a good benchmark for the development of the most important little human being on Earth?
Whatever I would say or do, he would copy me. And all these little things — my everyday habits and behaviours, be it good or bad — would compound over time and shape him into a grown-up human with a set of beliefs, a self-image and a worldview.
That realisation stopped me in my tracks and made me wonder.
“But what if I could swap my bad habits with great ones? In that way… I would change what he inherits!” The little voice in my head came alive.
It was terrifying but also motivating.
I had to take full responsibility and show up for my son.
I had to step back, think, make sense of the mess, clean it up and start building myself from scratch.
New me.
New habits.
A new, better life.
I wanted to look back at 50 — when my son would be 15 — and say proudly: “Look at you Jack, well done, you made it — you fulfilled your potential.”
I registered RebornAt40.com on the 29th of May 2024, three months before my 39th birthday.
It was like planting a flag of my own awakening — marking the point from which I was ready to close the old chapter, draw a line, and start rewriting my story.
But real changes didn’t happen immediately.
You see, that wasn’t my first attempt at giving up cigarettes and losing weight.
I had done it several times by then and every time I fell off the wagon and went back to smoking and regained all the weight.
This time, it had to be different.
And I had to be smarter.
I had to work out where I went wrong each time I failed.
So instead of jumping straight into some workout routines, diets, and saying I would never smoke again, I decided to slow down and think it through properly:
Take a step back and observe my life closely.
Read, think, learn and take notes.
Start slowly and build gradually.
Take action — and pay close attention to what works.
Observe the results and either continue, or correct further.
No ego, no “I have failed again” — just learning about myself and finding a permanent solution — that was my goal.
This is why I spent the next 12 months mostly going about my life as usual — working and being with Alex as much as I could. But also reading, thinking, getting mentally ready, observing my life very closely and taking notes.
I was on a self-discovery mission inwards — but for some reason I just couldn’t wrap my head around actually making the changes and ‘pressing start’.
What I needed was an ignition spark and some positive forward momentum — something that would help me focus and finally get moving.
Little did I know that spark was already on its way.
What happened on the 28th of June 2025 was the moment everything started to make sense for me.
And you know what?
I didn’t even see it coming.